13Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.
1 Peter 1:13
How great it will be one day when that grace is lavished on us. Lately, God has actually been working more heavenly, eternal hope in my heart. For a long time, I honestly think I have been a little scared of heaven. I'm sure most of us- at least as kids?!- have wondered, "what will we do in heaven for all eternity?" But honestly, whether it is fear of God's judgment or distrust that heaven is actually what we are made for, a place where I can fully experience God's love and grace, I often still have the thoughts of "but God, I want to do (x, y, and z....) before heaven...." and I sometimes I've still wrestled through the doubts.
But lately, God has been reminding me that all the good, pure, creative, beautiful, loving things on earth are expressions of Him, and are foretastes of heaven. He's giving me hope for heaven, building assurance of the grace and love we have in him, and rooting me that nothing can take that away (Romans 8).
Earth is just practice for all eternity!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Hard lessons
"Israel was a spreading vine; he brought forth fruit for himself. As his fruit increased, he built more altars; as his land propered, he adorned his sacred stones. Their heart is deceitful, and now they must bear their guilt." Hosea 10:1,2a
To be truthful, the summer has been difficult to weather spiritually. A bit of spiritual isolation, a helping of complacency, a generous pinch of self-denial. The tendency of perfectionists, I think, is to become consumed with outward appearances. Then it becomes all about our reputation and the impression we make on others instead of what we really are. Anyways, I found myself experiencing little interest in the DAT, little interest in daily devotionals, little interest in this blog (why subject myself to spiritual honesty & conviction??) within my first few weeks at home. The bad habits my superficial mindset was breeding were proliferating. I was wasting time and miserable because of it, yet afraid to 'fess up and repent.
Then I hit an all-time low of guilt and conviction about how I was not living by the Spirit and allowing things to spin out of control. One sin in particular was the root of my feelings of desperation and helplessness. I confessed to, thankfully, a wise Christian mentor whom God has fixed in my life--my mom, and for the first time, got a big fat source of low self esteem and brokenness into the open. The funny thing was, all these years I had expected myself to be truly repentant and humbled on confessing this sin to others. Nope. A good deal of anger, bitterness, and pride spewed up as I told of my actions, motives, and thought processes. How deceitful the heart can be! Mom had some convicting words for me to swallow too. My heart was far more superficial and hard than I had ever cared to realize. Sitting there, having just confessed some of the deepest, darkest things about myself, I was not sure if those who knew could ever look me perfectly straight in the eyes again, and I wanted to punish myself by curling up in a corner and refusing forgiveness or any second chances until I felt I was worthy to accept them. I wanted to be worthy of forgiveness and renewal on my terms. Because of course my faith walk and my life were all about me and how good I was before God.
On the day that this happened, my siblings were performing their last Shakespeare play in the park with a youth troupe and we had all been intending to go. I knew my presence would mean a lot to them, but I stubbornly sat in my room as my parents sadly left by themselves. Sitting there, crumpling up the 40th tissue, I suddenly felt God telling me, Get up and go enjoy the play. It doesn't matter what you've done. I give good gifts to all of my children. And I realized that the voice was right. God was only forgiving me as He had forgiven scores of prostitutes, murderers, and liers throughout history. Now it was time for me to accept that same grace and go LIVE and sin no more. So I did. I rushed to the play, laughed and clapped with the audience, took a zillion pictures Sonia and Nate, and managed to turn a corner that day in the way I dealt with my mistakes. I tasted grace just like the Apostle Paul had--the same sweet, loving gift--and I was thankful, even relieved.
And in the weeks since then, it's been a slow, but steady embracing of a Sprit-filled existence. I know I've hit upon the only way to live a truly happy life and I can't wait to see where it will lead me eventually. But I've experienced no mountaintop, and it's hard to be a zealous Christian. So many distractions and so many not-overtly-wrong things can lead me off the straight and narrow path. I have to choose to avoid old temptations, and sometimes I fail to choose what is right.
Now I simply know more than ever what it means to rebound after making a mistake. I don't have to separate myself from the love of God anymore. He has brought me to a new level of ability to relate to brokenness and sin and may He be glorified through it, Amen?
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." Psalm 103:8
To be truthful, the summer has been difficult to weather spiritually. A bit of spiritual isolation, a helping of complacency, a generous pinch of self-denial. The tendency of perfectionists, I think, is to become consumed with outward appearances. Then it becomes all about our reputation and the impression we make on others instead of what we really are. Anyways, I found myself experiencing little interest in the DAT, little interest in daily devotionals, little interest in this blog (why subject myself to spiritual honesty & conviction??) within my first few weeks at home. The bad habits my superficial mindset was breeding were proliferating. I was wasting time and miserable because of it, yet afraid to 'fess up and repent.
Then I hit an all-time low of guilt and conviction about how I was not living by the Spirit and allowing things to spin out of control. One sin in particular was the root of my feelings of desperation and helplessness. I confessed to, thankfully, a wise Christian mentor whom God has fixed in my life--my mom, and for the first time, got a big fat source of low self esteem and brokenness into the open. The funny thing was, all these years I had expected myself to be truly repentant and humbled on confessing this sin to others. Nope. A good deal of anger, bitterness, and pride spewed up as I told of my actions, motives, and thought processes. How deceitful the heart can be! Mom had some convicting words for me to swallow too. My heart was far more superficial and hard than I had ever cared to realize. Sitting there, having just confessed some of the deepest, darkest things about myself, I was not sure if those who knew could ever look me perfectly straight in the eyes again, and I wanted to punish myself by curling up in a corner and refusing forgiveness or any second chances until I felt I was worthy to accept them. I wanted to be worthy of forgiveness and renewal on my terms. Because of course my faith walk and my life were all about me and how good I was before God.
On the day that this happened, my siblings were performing their last Shakespeare play in the park with a youth troupe and we had all been intending to go. I knew my presence would mean a lot to them, but I stubbornly sat in my room as my parents sadly left by themselves. Sitting there, crumpling up the 40th tissue, I suddenly felt God telling me, Get up and go enjoy the play. It doesn't matter what you've done. I give good gifts to all of my children. And I realized that the voice was right. God was only forgiving me as He had forgiven scores of prostitutes, murderers, and liers throughout history. Now it was time for me to accept that same grace and go LIVE and sin no more. So I did. I rushed to the play, laughed and clapped with the audience, took a zillion pictures Sonia and Nate, and managed to turn a corner that day in the way I dealt with my mistakes. I tasted grace just like the Apostle Paul had--the same sweet, loving gift--and I was thankful, even relieved.
And in the weeks since then, it's been a slow, but steady embracing of a Sprit-filled existence. I know I've hit upon the only way to live a truly happy life and I can't wait to see where it will lead me eventually. But I've experienced no mountaintop, and it's hard to be a zealous Christian. So many distractions and so many not-overtly-wrong things can lead me off the straight and narrow path. I have to choose to avoid old temptations, and sometimes I fail to choose what is right.
Now I simply know more than ever what it means to rebound after making a mistake. I don't have to separate myself from the love of God anymore. He has brought me to a new level of ability to relate to brokenness and sin and may He be glorified through it, Amen?
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." Psalm 103:8
Friday, June 26, 2009
Hey girls, I'm at a Christian music festival called Masterworks Festival, and it's reallly reallly cool.
This was a devo journal of a couple days ago, kinda shows what's been on my mind while being surrounded by God-lovin music(classical)-obsessin people.
Jews calling Jesus a blasphemer- all the while Jesus is being himself. Questioning God's identity, while He is standing there, having beeen through this over and over. It must get pretty repetitive, that we need so much clarification on such things... But if I was in the crowd, would I be like the Jews? What would I be thinking in taht context? Perhaps a skeptical, "what is this man saying, he's crazy" mindset... and really, I don't blame these people for asking him over and over if he is the Christ. They don't have very much of a clue that they were supposed ot expect Jesus to be in front of them as a human, riht there int aht exact spot. For us today, we have Revelations and the other books that foretell Jesus' second coming, that there will be false prophets but what we're expecting is superhuman and it's... pretty epic and obvious. But, the Jews do consider themselves learned and experts of the Law, and there maybe were some hints that Jesus was coming to them... And they didn't believe Him..
10:27 My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me.
I pray Lord that the truth you speak to all of us in the scriptures and in other ways you do, that I will be able to recognize your voice. I am not a lunatic, but I need help from more than just the normal, physical world... We all do.. and you're here and drawing me to you..
I'm finding you everywhere these few days, Lord. You are dwelling in so many of us, so brightly- I have never known it could happen like this, where we all come in once place and find you in each other. Maybe it's so intense because we all have so much in common- you know, with music n all our obsessions with the gift of music you've given us so that we can use such beautiful things to worship you.
This was a devo journal of a couple days ago, kinda shows what's been on my mind while being surrounded by God-lovin music(classical)-obsessin people.
Jews calling Jesus a blasphemer- all the while Jesus is being himself. Questioning God's identity, while He is standing there, having beeen through this over and over. It must get pretty repetitive, that we need so much clarification on such things... But if I was in the crowd, would I be like the Jews? What would I be thinking in taht context? Perhaps a skeptical, "what is this man saying, he's crazy" mindset... and really, I don't blame these people for asking him over and over if he is the Christ. They don't have very much of a clue that they were supposed ot expect Jesus to be in front of them as a human, riht there int aht exact spot. For us today, we have Revelations and the other books that foretell Jesus' second coming, that there will be false prophets but what we're expecting is superhuman and it's... pretty epic and obvious. But, the Jews do consider themselves learned and experts of the Law, and there maybe were some hints that Jesus was coming to them... And they didn't believe Him..
10:27 My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me.
I pray Lord that the truth you speak to all of us in the scriptures and in other ways you do, that I will be able to recognize your voice. I am not a lunatic, but I need help from more than just the normal, physical world... We all do.. and you're here and drawing me to you..
I'm finding you everywhere these few days, Lord. You are dwelling in so many of us, so brightly- I have never known it could happen like this, where we all come in once place and find you in each other. Maybe it's so intense because we all have so much in common- you know, with music n all our obsessions with the gift of music you've given us so that we can use such beautiful things to worship you.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Safe. Loved. Secure....The Father Heart of God
....These three words jumped out on the front of a beautiful red and gold card as I skimmed the Father's Day cards at Hallmark.
Every Father's Day, it is somewhat of a struggle to find a card to send to my father, who has been both physically and emotionally distant for the last 13 years of my life. While I know that my dad loves me and thank God for the reconciliation and forgiveness He has given me, it is still hard finding a card that shows appreciation for the role my dad has and is playing in my life. The sentimental cards that talk about fathers shaping my character, dads ALWAYS being there, dads blending discipline and loving support, etc etc etc....just don't seem to honestly cut it when my dad hasn't always been there. Most years, I either go with a humorous card or a simple card that gets to the point, but emphasizing my love and gratitude.
Anyway, I found a Peanuts card for Dad, that affirmed that he is a kind, fun, loving person to be with, and wishing him a great day....but this bright red "Safe. Loved. Secure" card really spoke to me. It's as if God were saying, "Buy this card- This Father's Day, I'm buying YOU a card- to remind you that you are safe, loved and secure in my love, and that I will never leave or abandon you." So, I bought the $4 card, along with the others, and trusted the Holy Spirit that on Father's Day he would give me at least a few words to remind me of his love and promises.
I was fortunate enough to spend Father's Day at Rejoice! and with the Shelby guys (the family I'm staying with this summer: Pat and the boys). The Father heart of God was already touching my heart me during worship; I was noticing how the songs were thoughtfully drawing me closer to my Father God and how I need to trust him.... how easy it is for me to look to other things for that love!
But it was the beginning of Pastor Dan's message that reminded me of how intimately and awesomely God loves us like a Father: the message was about being "Wild at Heart," relating to men and Father's Day, and would allow for a brief time of personal testimony at the end. However, Pastor Dan said something to this extent, in regards to marriage, fathering, etc, that I knew was from the Holy Spirit, and it brought tears to my eyes:
"Many of you are struggling with your marrige or finances, or didn't have a dad that wasn't close or there for you: So on this Father's Day, GOD WANTS TO GIVE YOU A FATHER'S DAY CARD."
How cool is that? :-)
Our Father God is living, active, and wants to pour out his love on us.
Every Father's Day, it is somewhat of a struggle to find a card to send to my father, who has been both physically and emotionally distant for the last 13 years of my life. While I know that my dad loves me and thank God for the reconciliation and forgiveness He has given me, it is still hard finding a card that shows appreciation for the role my dad has and is playing in my life. The sentimental cards that talk about fathers shaping my character, dads ALWAYS being there, dads blending discipline and loving support, etc etc etc....just don't seem to honestly cut it when my dad hasn't always been there. Most years, I either go with a humorous card or a simple card that gets to the point, but emphasizing my love and gratitude.
Anyway, I found a Peanuts card for Dad, that affirmed that he is a kind, fun, loving person to be with, and wishing him a great day....but this bright red "Safe. Loved. Secure" card really spoke to me. It's as if God were saying, "Buy this card- This Father's Day, I'm buying YOU a card- to remind you that you are safe, loved and secure in my love, and that I will never leave or abandon you." So, I bought the $4 card, along with the others, and trusted the Holy Spirit that on Father's Day he would give me at least a few words to remind me of his love and promises.
I was fortunate enough to spend Father's Day at Rejoice! and with the Shelby guys (the family I'm staying with this summer: Pat and the boys). The Father heart of God was already touching my heart me during worship; I was noticing how the songs were thoughtfully drawing me closer to my Father God and how I need to trust him.... how easy it is for me to look to other things for that love!
But it was the beginning of Pastor Dan's message that reminded me of how intimately and awesomely God loves us like a Father: the message was about being "Wild at Heart," relating to men and Father's Day, and would allow for a brief time of personal testimony at the end. However, Pastor Dan said something to this extent, in regards to marriage, fathering, etc, that I knew was from the Holy Spirit, and it brought tears to my eyes:
"Many of you are struggling with your marrige or finances, or didn't have a dad that wasn't close or there for you: So on this Father's Day, GOD WANTS TO GIVE YOU A FATHER'S DAY CARD."
How cool is that? :-)
Our Father God is living, active, and wants to pour out his love on us.
Monday, June 1, 2009
not hurrying..
My dad is off to work this week for the first time in 10 months. Cancer's all gone! Hallelujah!
He never lost all his hair, there's some on his head right now..happy and healthy. Praise God!
Him and I will do another recital at the end of the summer.. I'm super pumped. Summer'll be the only time I get to dig into piano music..
:)
-------
second note:
I'm reading The Life you've always wanted by John... something.. Ortberg? I think. it's been such perfect timing to read this.
"We must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from our lives."
Ah! it's easy to say now that I'm in my lawn chair outside in 75 degree sunshine and think of ways to slow down. It's easy to think that productivity, Type A and hurrying aren't directly related.. Hurry is sooooo embraced in our culture too! It was shocking to realize how I was in such a hurry to finish that page in the book!
Jesus spent much time in solitude before and after he hung out in town teaching and healing.
I guess for me, I've always just been shifting the balance to society- relax in the summer, work during the school year. But after this year I find it's quite overwhelming to do this. This effects everything that I do, and even much of my spiritual life. The busyness made me literally designate time with God, but after my schedule started to fade around celebration week, my special time with God seemed it flew out the window. I feel like I must diffuse a little of both into the whole year..mmm equilibrium (hehe).
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Play-doh
8 Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand. (Isaiah 64:8)
Friday right, I was struck by the mold-and shape-ability of Play-doh. While worshiping over in Ytterboe, I picked up some Play-doh that was sitting on the table close by, and started thinking about a lesson I had taught to WOW kids, the MOPS preschoolers, or campers somewhere along the way. We had the kids first hold a stone, then Play-doh, after talking about fostering a heart for God. Then we asked them what type of substance they thought God wants our hearts to be like- the Play-doh or the rock. This example struck me last night, because I believe God has been breaking down a lot of the hardness, the walls in my own heart this last year. The physical feeling of Play-doh was a nice stress release (holding and molding it gave me something to do other than worry), but the more I thought about it, the more I realized God is shaping and healing my heart.
May our hearts be soft, moldable, and open to God's healing.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand. (Isaiah 64:8)
Friday right, I was struck by the mold-and shape-ability of Play-doh. While worshiping over in Ytterboe, I picked up some Play-doh that was sitting on the table close by, and started thinking about a lesson I had taught to WOW kids, the MOPS preschoolers, or campers somewhere along the way. We had the kids first hold a stone, then Play-doh, after talking about fostering a heart for God. Then we asked them what type of substance they thought God wants our hearts to be like- the Play-doh or the rock. This example struck me last night, because I believe God has been breaking down a lot of the hardness, the walls in my own heart this last year. The physical feeling of Play-doh was a nice stress release (holding and molding it gave me something to do other than worry), but the more I thought about it, the more I realized God is shaping and healing my heart.
May our hearts be soft, moldable, and open to God's healing.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Girded
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm on the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Flipside
"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"
(Rom. 7:24)
Faced with my base nature and the darkness of my soul, I, as a child of God, do not have to buy the Deceiver's lie that I can numb the pain with an effort to redeem myself through my own good works. I know that God works by multiplying His grace over humiliated sinners, using their weakness to demonstrate how Good He is--and how Powerful He is over Sin and Death (II Cor.12:10). I can choose at my low points to victorious in God's rescue from sin (I Cor. 10:13) and be restored into close relationship with Him.
And in the end I can say: "Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Rom. 7:25)
(Rom. 7:24)
Faced with my base nature and the darkness of my soul, I, as a child of God, do not have to buy the Deceiver's lie that I can numb the pain with an effort to redeem myself through my own good works. I know that God works by multiplying His grace over humiliated sinners, using their weakness to demonstrate how Good He is--and how Powerful He is over Sin and Death (II Cor.12:10). I can choose at my low points to victorious in God's rescue from sin (I Cor. 10:13) and be restored into close relationship with Him.
And in the end I can say: "Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Rom. 7:25)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Grit
Confession. I've not been exercising perseverance in my studies lately. I've been letting Youtube take over hours of my study time. It's been a twisted weekend, and I am so ashamed. God's given me this time at school right? He's provided the money to attend this school, wonderful profs to inspire me, and mentors who want to help me be the best that I can be. He's taken me to a place where I need to focus on being trained to fulfill a vocation in this world. And I'm willing to disregard it all for a few episodes of TV programs.
I read Acts 14 today, in which Paul and Barnabas escape assassination plots in Icoium only to be hailed as gods in Lystra and shortly thereafter, stoned and left for dead in the same city. THE NEXT DAY, Paul and Barnabas leave for Derbe and receive a great response in that city. Then they return to the cities where they had previously faced intense persecution and set about strengthening the believers there, rejoicing in how God had opened doors during their travels. Wow, such perseverance. Their determination won them success in building the kingdom of God. They couldn't have done it alone---God's grace and vision helped them to keep walking with Him. I know my avoidance of Spirit's prompting and His rebuke have allowed me to stray into my pathetic place of inactivity. I know that God doesn't condemn me today for ways I have fallen short in the past days. Instead, He's leaving the door open for me to do things differently today. I know I can because His power is in me to conquer sin, but I have to keep this image in my head of the disciples, remembering that no commission was ever fulfilled by someone who insisted on checking out of responsibility and accountability.
I read Acts 14 today, in which Paul and Barnabas escape assassination plots in Icoium only to be hailed as gods in Lystra and shortly thereafter, stoned and left for dead in the same city. THE NEXT DAY, Paul and Barnabas leave for Derbe and receive a great response in that city. Then they return to the cities where they had previously faced intense persecution and set about strengthening the believers there, rejoicing in how God had opened doors during their travels. Wow, such perseverance. Their determination won them success in building the kingdom of God. They couldn't have done it alone---God's grace and vision helped them to keep walking with Him. I know my avoidance of Spirit's prompting and His rebuke have allowed me to stray into my pathetic place of inactivity. I know that God doesn't condemn me today for ways I have fallen short in the past days. Instead, He's leaving the door open for me to do things differently today. I know I can because His power is in me to conquer sin, but I have to keep this image in my head of the disciples, remembering that no commission was ever fulfilled by someone who insisted on checking out of responsibility and accountability.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Only One thing
41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
Luke 10:41-42
So often my struggle comes down to worrying about my schedule, activities, organization, etc. I come back to my room, and the first thing I feel like I must do is checking my email, or making sure everything is in it's place before I can start the homework or studying that "needs" to be done. While I believe God does call us to do homework (being students is a large part of the why we are at St. Olaf and how he is teaching and using us, but not all of it), so often I neglect to take even a simple minute or two to gain focus and ask God for wisdom, for patience, for peace.
What if I focused on a small portion of God's word, spoke to Him and recognized his presence before I sat down to tackle the work in front of me? Perhaps I wouldn't be continually anxious about the next thing, be planning for the next activity, or be doubting/questioning God, but I would be slowing learning to recognize that God is here WITH me in the work I must complete.
I believe Martha had good intentions in her busying, worrying and work (to please Jesus, ultimately), but it was his love that allowed her to return to her work her of worry and striving. Ultimately, a meal still would have been made, but she would have been filled with a new understanding and God's love and peace.
Lately, this verse has encouraged me a lot: 6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Phil. 4:6-7, The Message)
Luke 10:41-42
So often my struggle comes down to worrying about my schedule, activities, organization, etc. I come back to my room, and the first thing I feel like I must do is checking my email, or making sure everything is in it's place before I can start the homework or studying that "needs" to be done. While I believe God does call us to do homework (being students is a large part of the why we are at St. Olaf and how he is teaching and using us, but not all of it), so often I neglect to take even a simple minute or two to gain focus and ask God for wisdom, for patience, for peace.
What if I focused on a small portion of God's word, spoke to Him and recognized his presence before I sat down to tackle the work in front of me? Perhaps I wouldn't be continually anxious about the next thing, be planning for the next activity, or be doubting/questioning God, but I would be slowing learning to recognize that God is here WITH me in the work I must complete.
I believe Martha had good intentions in her busying, worrying and work (to please Jesus, ultimately), but it was his love that allowed her to return to her work her of worry and striving. Ultimately, a meal still would have been made, but she would have been filled with a new understanding and God's love and peace.
Lately, this verse has encouraged me a lot: 6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Phil. 4:6-7, The Message)
Saturday, March 14, 2009
My devotional "The Secrets of the Vine" by Bruce Wilkinson- tells me today,
"Pursue God with all your heart, determining that you will seek Him until you find Him."
This is going to take me some more effort- there are a few things I constantly struggle giving up to God, like my future career. I understand that if I'm not a Christian through the day I die, that it wasn't real- so I'm getting to the state of mind that Christianity is a lifetime thing, but I'm moving little by little- everyday prioritizing what I think Jesus would.
I also have talked to some non-believers, that say that they have seeked Him and can't find Him, can't find anything, etc. and I wish I could understand. This must be such a big struggle, and I grew up with Christianity so I have no idea how it feels to not have a God-safety-net (for Everything). They've always been on their own and fighting through in the dark... my heart is heavy for them and of my top prayer topics.
A close friend that took a lot of leadership in his Christian gathering at his college (and youth group before that)- was and kinda is doubting his faith. It was shocking to hear- he was my role model, and to hear that his words to his peers were getting empty.. it almost hurt. I talked to a non-believer about this and she saw it normal, that doubting is constant. The last thing I want to do is to be a hypocrite.... I'm sure I've been there and done that, but to hear that the most knowledgeable people of the Bible starts to feel distant from God.. it's not encouraging. But hey, we all run the race, and there will be mountains and valleys. Please help me pray for him.
"Pursue God with all your heart, determining that you will seek Him until you find Him."
This is going to take me some more effort- there are a few things I constantly struggle giving up to God, like my future career. I understand that if I'm not a Christian through the day I die, that it wasn't real- so I'm getting to the state of mind that Christianity is a lifetime thing, but I'm moving little by little- everyday prioritizing what I think Jesus would.
I also have talked to some non-believers, that say that they have seeked Him and can't find Him, can't find anything, etc. and I wish I could understand. This must be such a big struggle, and I grew up with Christianity so I have no idea how it feels to not have a God-safety-net (for Everything). They've always been on their own and fighting through in the dark... my heart is heavy for them and of my top prayer topics.
A close friend that took a lot of leadership in his Christian gathering at his college (and youth group before that)- was and kinda is doubting his faith. It was shocking to hear- he was my role model, and to hear that his words to his peers were getting empty.. it almost hurt. I talked to a non-believer about this and she saw it normal, that doubting is constant. The last thing I want to do is to be a hypocrite.... I'm sure I've been there and done that, but to hear that the most knowledgeable people of the Bible starts to feel distant from God.. it's not encouraging. But hey, we all run the race, and there will be mountains and valleys. Please help me pray for him.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Hurray!
"He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." (Psalm 126: 5)
I just have to write this little blurb before turning in for the night. God was so good to me today and faithful to His promise. A difficult situation with a friend was resolved by an honest and heartfelt discussion. The reason why our friendship stands unscathed is because God is working in both of us and has been working His wish to turn our tears (the burdens we are willing to give to Him) into songs of joy.
Hosannah and Amen :)
I just have to write this little blurb before turning in for the night. God was so good to me today and faithful to His promise. A difficult situation with a friend was resolved by an honest and heartfelt discussion. The reason why our friendship stands unscathed is because God is working in both of us and has been working His wish to turn our tears (the burdens we are willing to give to Him) into songs of joy.
Hosannah and Amen :)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
"Don't forget to be a blessing"
My mom and dad in one of their first times at the hospital for checkups and stuff when they found his cancer- they were in the waiting room and overheard an old lady talking on the phone and before she hung up she said "now remember, don't forget to be a blessing to others" (I think those are the exact words..). Apparently she was a patient as well.
This was a long time ago, but I was reminded thanks to watching the streaming of the Japanese church service in Japan this morning (I went to Buntrock 5 seconds too late for Rejoice.. haha) and the pastor mentioned our family and a letter that one of my parents sent him.
I try to constantly remind myself in the meaning of everything I do. This involves me being busy and me taking leadership, teaching drumset lessons, the like. Am I doing this for myself or am I doing this to glorify God by serving them for their individual needs? sometimes i can't tell if I am being a blessing or I just think it myself too. it's an on going process on trusting the Lord that I do His work here.
This was a long time ago, but I was reminded thanks to watching the streaming of the Japanese church service in Japan this morning (I went to Buntrock 5 seconds too late for Rejoice.. haha) and the pastor mentioned our family and a letter that one of my parents sent him.
I try to constantly remind myself in the meaning of everything I do. This involves me being busy and me taking leadership, teaching drumset lessons, the like. Am I doing this for myself or am I doing this to glorify God by serving them for their individual needs? sometimes i can't tell if I am being a blessing or I just think it myself too. it's an on going process on trusting the Lord that I do His work here.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
For thought
Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you...
1 Thessalonians 4:11
Wow. Such a great verse. Especially for one in the throes of path-finding, career building, degree requirement fulfilling.
1 Thessalonians 4:11
Wow. Such a great verse. Especially for one in the throes of path-finding, career building, degree requirement fulfilling.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Acts Chapter 2:1-41
Something that's recently come to my attention through Bible study/prayer groups, etc. is my need to be completely Spirit-controlled and to grow in my understanding of the three People who make up the Trinity. Not until recent years have I addressed the Holy Spirit directly in prayer and tried to separate in my mind the Holy Spirit's functions from those of Christ and the Father. So, in my daily readings I'm searching for the Holy Spirit's and Christ's manifestations in the apostles lives and wanting to form a personal understanding of how I relate to each in a unique way.
Anywho, in Ch. 2 the Holy Spirit comes upon the disciples during the Pentecost and gives them the ability to speak in so many different languages that 3,000 new believers are added to the body of Christ on that day. So mind boggling!
Some quick notes I have on the H.S.'s action in this chapter:
Anywho, in Ch. 2 the Holy Spirit comes upon the disciples during the Pentecost and gives them the ability to speak in so many different languages that 3,000 new believers are added to the body of Christ on that day. So mind boggling!
Some quick notes I have on the H.S.'s action in this chapter:
- He comes upon a group of believers in community--"while the disciples were together" (v.1) Were they worshipping at the time? Just hanging out? Reminiscing about their time with Christ?
- He comes with a physical sound--the sound of blowing wind. It is so loud and real that it brings strangers running to the scene to find out what is happening.
- The anointing of the H.S. was noisy (all the disciples talking at once) and rather undignified in human eyes (some thought the disciples appeared drunk). But there was no confusion about what the disciples were preaching (they declared the "wonders of God") and their speech ultimately led many to reconciliation with God and marvel at His power. It was attention-getting, but ultimately glorifying to God and not humans.
- The following days truly encapsulated a mountain-top experience with many miraculous signs and wonders. The H.S. was providing a season of extreme closeness, excitement, and vision for the apostles before they would each begin their long, fruitful, difficult ministries on the earth. This is the way my (and everyone's) spiritual life is here on Earth--marked up alternating periods of amazing growth/fellowship and frustration/neediness. I'm always pulling away and being pushed back to God. Thank the Lord that He promises that one day we'll be in perfect communion w/ Him forever!
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